In My Town

Words... sometimes they run out of my mouth like a river, and other times, like now.... I don't seem to have the right words. You see a young man from my town has died defending our freedom. I know this man's family, well his brother and mother. My husband knows them all...brave soldier included. Anyway...there such an intense sad feeling attached to this event. I am guessing it is because I am a mother of 3 boys. I have often felt a fleeting fear that someday one of my boys will be drafted, or worse...choose to defend his country. Then die in the line of duty. It seems as if now the reality of those fears are right in my face. I cannot escape it...it's time to face it. We plan on going to the Memorial Service here in town. Justin will be buried in Arlington Cemetery. We are and will continue, to pray for the Rollin's family.

I do question the war and all the wars before this one. We seem to be such a civilized group here on this planet. WHY can we not find civilized means to settle differences? Why must our children die? I know I will not live to see peace on this earth...maybe it will never happen. But I still will pray for peace...everyday. And to Justin, you gave your life for all of humanity. I will never forget...God be with you.

Work, Fun and.....death

Friday and Saturday were an interesting mix of fun, and work. On Friday I snow blowed for two hours=FUN. I organized my kitchen cupboards=WORK. On Saturday I tore tickets at the Opera House =FUN. I also took the kids to the common and walked through 3 feet of snow=WORK... I mean FUN. I prepackaged Will's lunch for the next week and put his school clothes in his hanging Monday-Friday closet organizer=FUN? I have realized, it takes me a while, that anything can be fun. It really is all about your attitude.

Okay , I need to write about my conversation with my friend whose Father suddenly passed away. WOW, this was the first time since the passing of my own Dad, 10 years ago , that I had close friend's Dad pass away - I had met her dad. And when I spoke to her I found myself feeling those same feelings I felt 10 years ago. I had to control my tears. It was overwhelming! I am not totally sure if I was crying for her, me or both of us? Or if I was just upset at the unfairness of death itself? Whatever the reason, we had a great talk I could relate to everything she was saying and she seemed amazed that she was feeling the same feelings I had. I talked about how I can remember feeling guilty if I laughed or smiled. Wondering how could I possibly steal a moment of happiness during such an unhappy time? She had just told her fiancee that very same thing.

This is how I look at death..........

Death is not an event. It doesn't have an opening night, or an encore.
Death is not a story, it does not have a beginning, middle or an end.
Death is a never ending process, an infinite line in our universe.
We think death comes from out of nowhere and-BAM- we all act like it was some sort of accident when really we knew it was coming all along!
From the minute we lays eyes on someone the process of death begins and we carry that forever.
Bleak............... but think about it.

So I told my friend...as for the pain, "This too shall pass." What I didn't say is the process will forever remain.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!

327 Snow 002
Originally uploaded by nhfamilytimes.

We are really getting pelted with snow. Poor Britt traveled 20 miles to class this morning only to find out it was cancelled. That is tough for an 18 year-old at 7:30 in the morning. For us old-timers it would be just another day in paradise. Ben left out of here before 4:00am to plow. And from the looks of things we may not see him again until tomorrow. On days like this I usually get engulfed in a project of some sort. My Blog does not qualify...so I am going to wander aimlessly until something strikes me...the basement..hmmm..maybe. I'll let you know. Also, note to self: tell about conversation with my friend who recently lost her Father.

I Dread This Day

This is the first day of the year that I really dread. My son Shane(16) returns to NY on this day. He will not be back until this summer. It takes me a few days before I can see through the dark clouds again. Then I can begin to look forward to summer and seeing him once again. Today will be a long day.......
I called my friend whose Father suddenly passed away, she wasn't at home. I did not leave a message... really, do you leave a condolence massege on an answering machine? I think not. I will try again this evening.
A friend from playgroup had her baby..... this is when I question life. Someone dies=one family is in such severe pain. Someone is born= one family is in such supreme utopia. Yet it is still not a balance.
For me death comes in threes. I am including Anna Nichole Simpson, My friend's Dad, that is 2, and who is next.... Usually it is 3 distant people or a mix of people in my neighborhood and family. I'll keep you posted.

So, for today I smile through the dark clouds, I focus on my two young sons at home. Pray I will never be separated from them like I am from Shane. Today I will listen, laugh and play...all day.