Work, Fun and.....death

Friday and Saturday were an interesting mix of fun, and work. On Friday I snow blowed for two hours=FUN. I organized my kitchen cupboards=WORK. On Saturday I tore tickets at the Opera House =FUN. I also took the kids to the common and walked through 3 feet of snow=WORK... I mean FUN. I prepackaged Will's lunch for the next week and put his school clothes in his hanging Monday-Friday closet organizer=FUN? I have realized, it takes me a while, that anything can be fun. It really is all about your attitude.

Okay , I need to write about my conversation with my friend whose Father suddenly passed away. WOW, this was the first time since the passing of my own Dad, 10 years ago , that I had close friend's Dad pass away - I had met her dad. And when I spoke to her I found myself feeling those same feelings I felt 10 years ago. I had to control my tears. It was overwhelming! I am not totally sure if I was crying for her, me or both of us? Or if I was just upset at the unfairness of death itself? Whatever the reason, we had a great talk I could relate to everything she was saying and she seemed amazed that she was feeling the same feelings I had. I talked about how I can remember feeling guilty if I laughed or smiled. Wondering how could I possibly steal a moment of happiness during such an unhappy time? She had just told her fiancee that very same thing.

This is how I look at death..........

Death is not an event. It doesn't have an opening night, or an encore.
Death is not a story, it does not have a beginning, middle or an end.
Death is a never ending process, an infinite line in our universe.
We think death comes from out of nowhere and-BAM- we all act like it was some sort of accident when really we knew it was coming all along!
From the minute we lays eyes on someone the process of death begins and we carry that forever.
Bleak............... but think about it.

So I told my friend...as for the pain, "This too shall pass." What I didn't say is the process will forever remain.

Unbelievable Words

There are some words that were once the most unbelievable words I'd have ever heard.

10+ years ago my Father suddenly passed away. I was overwhelmed with grief. So much so I wanted to go to him in Heaven. Even though I was a Mother of two children I still thought I could-As I look back, I remember the words spoken to me by a close friend "This too shall pass". I couldn't understand why my friend was dismissing my feelings so unkindly.
Yesterday, I learned that my close friends Father passed away suddenly. As I think about what to say to my friend these words instantly come to my mind "This too shall pass".

I understand now what it meant. It is plain and simple. My body and mind was forced to adjust to my Dad being dead. It sounds so blatant and rough, but it is factual. As I adjusted to the fact the pain lessened and the intense feelings of dread, sadness and pure hate passed. I could look at the world around me again, never quite the same because a wonderful part of it was gone. For me it was like finally completing a project and hanging it on a wall, sure you might add to it and enhance it through the years(ie: babies, friends accomplishments....). Then someone dies and a huge chunk of your project is missing, ripped out while you stepped away for a moment. Now every time you look at it you see the torn out piece instead of looking at the whole project. It took me a long time to see the the whole thing, missing chunk and all. That was when I reached an acceptable point. A point where I could understand that yes, this too shall pass. So today when I talk to my friend I hope to say those words to her. For all I have is those words, a hug and the willingness to listen as she expresses her grief.