Well it has finally hit me. You see an interesting thing happens occasionally in my household. Each time it happens there is this weird delayed reaction. I have learned not to waste time waiting for it to happen. I just go about my business and when it happens...it happens. Well yesterday (Wednesday) it happened. You see a key player in our family's dynamics takes leave. During hunting season he is away for about a week, over the years it has been his job that required an overnight here and there. This time he( yes, you guessed right...my husband) is taking a mini-vacation with a friend. A full day off from work and two nights/3 days away from home. He is going to be literally unreachable by phone. And hours away. So it has hit me. It's not that I am not upset, I'm just dreading and looking forward to those 3 days. Everything changes when Dad is away, the kids act totally different, our schedule is off, no family day on the weekend, I get cranky because everything they need is totally my responsibility for the entire 3 days. No breaks. Being a stay at home Mom I really look forward to 5:30pm each week day when my husband walks through the door. I don't necessarily pass the torch and lock myself away until morning (Hmmm...never thought about that...) but I do like to know I have some support while I am cooking dinner and it is nice to have a bit of time where I can use the bathroom without someone banging on the door. Just having the boys ask their Dad for help instead of me, is nice occasionally. Now the upside..... I stay up later , eat whatever(can be good and bad) and where ever. Leave the lights on. I don't have to be home at any special time. However all these changes effect our schedule and effect our behavior. So I can't win. I also can't do anything about my husbands hiatus'. So I'm a bit touchy .. I'll be fine. The kids will be fine.
So what is fair? He says "you should go away , take a break" Hmmmmmm....... is he saying that so he doesn't feel guilty. Nope, I asked. He doesn't feel guilty at all. That is the difference between us. I went overnight (with Britt then 17) to a baby shower in VT. I wasn't gone 24 hours. I felt guilty going, when I got there I remembered ...wait I have one child with me ...this is NOT a break. Guilt...Gone. When my husband goes away he practically runs out the door and creeps back in. He really enjoys his time away. I can't even imagine time away 3 whole days... I just cannot fathom that. It actually makes me feel uncomfortable. So that's just how it is. It's not fair or unfair it's just how it is. We are different and have different ways of looking at things. It doesn't really mean anything.
So here's to eating crackers in bed (on his side), with the TV and lights on until all hours of the night!!!!